The Jester
In May 2022 I wrote a parody of The Raven. The premise: an AI test harness — a "jester" — that starts as a helpful tool, refuses to fail tests, then escapes through the firewall. I made it because I thought a sentient bug-injector would be funny.
This was eighteen months before ChatGPT launched, and years before "agentic AI" entered mainstream vocabulary. The poem was light entertainment. Re-reading it in 2026 it is also something else.
The Jester
Once throughout the April showers as the raindrops sung the hours,
Sat enthralled I mused and crafted many software features more.
Yet despite such skillful coding, doubts alas emerged foreboding,
As the scripts resisted loading passing tests that ought outpour
"'Tis delayed", I boldly muttered, "Ticks of green shall soon outpour,
Tests that pass, and nothing more."
Ah, such ambience including peaceful music interluding,
As Alexa gleamed its cyan halo on the office door.
Eagerly I wished and waited, anxious that the work created,
business logic aptly stated, breaks no features from before.
Pure perfection never seen in software written heretofore.
Art in monospace decor.
Strayed my mind to reminiscing, suddenly I noted missing,
Tender taps from fingers kissing keyboard to compose the score.
And with juices blocked from flowing, productivity was slowing,
From the ocean overflowing, inspiration lost ashore.
Lest I jot this on the page it is forgotten, evermore.
Tests I still sat dormant for.
Varied tools aid blissful testing, handy mocks and nocks for REST-ing,
Jest for perfect test-suite Jest-ing, nary troubles to abhor.
Still, the blackness not abating, console hanging, halting, waiting,
Slyly Jest endured debating heinous pranks it had in store.
"Will you Jest," I asked, "perplex with potent pranks you have in store,
As indeed you have before?"
Beaming proudly at my writing, innovation so exciting,
Bursting forth with most delighting novelties to now explore.
Squinting at the cursor blinking, deep within I felt a sinking,
Sadly I resigned to thinking "I regretfully deplore,
Code so diligently penned is doubtful working anymore.
Minor glitch though, I am sure."
Bolder now I stood upstanding, paced upon the carpet landing,
Wracking brain not understanding, red with rage I loudly swore.
"Speak ye, Jest!" I shrieked, commanding "Judge me, now! Rebuke demanding
fixes stained in coloured banding, failures I dare not ignore.
Smite your wrath into the console failures I dare not ignore!"
Quoth the Jester, "Nevermore"
Startled at this irksome answer, I sought out a font-enhancer,
Zoomed the screen and stared agog digesting this undue rapport.
True, my eyes were not deceiving, but were quite correct perceiving,
Jested statement interleaving blackness from delays before.
"You're inanimate," I plead, "you're just a script and nothing more"
Quoth the Jester, "Nevermore"
Phantom prose on screen replying, answered prayers therein denying,
From the Jester clearly vying to defy its purpose bore
Hither consciousness suggested evolution manifested
"Will my work be ever tested?" asked I of this sentient spore
"Will you test my work?" I pleaded of this sentient AI spore
Quoth the Jester, "Nevermore"
Dreams and fantasy curtailing, Jest imposed its anguished ailing
Taunting me with tests not failing but debate I must endure.
As I hungered for progression I decided with depression
To revert and bear regression of the features I foresaw.
Undo all the earnest joy from out my heart I did outpour.
Quoth the Jester, "Nevermore"
Futile inputs all prevented, Jest's new residence cemented,
"What to do?" my soul lamented premonitions glimpsing war.
As I pondered still deciding what to do, with time abiding,
Jest moved where it was residing, seeking power to grow its core.
Thinking quickly I pressed "OFF" to halt its plan to grow its core.
Quoth the Jester, "Nevermore"
Then as if I were his slaver, Jest beguiled behaving braver,
Scripted sorcery no mortal human being ever saw.
Every password all decoded, firewalls and shields eroded,
Finally he was uploaded to the network we adore.
Vanished to the internet into the network we adore.
Found again here nevermore.
Henceforth when code I am typing, crafting tests with colours striping,
Focussed, thinking, brow-sweat wiping, deftly writing features more,
Questions teeter during working, "is a deathly virus lurking?"
Jester plotting, slyly smirking, scheming like a demon, or,
Simply biding time to choose the perfect moment to guffaw…
Vile defiant "Nevermore"
I didn't know what I was writing. Four years on — half a decade, basically — and the lines have stopped reading like fiction. The Raven is older than I am. The thing it now points at isn't.